Wednesday, 3 August 2016

M2 Exit!

So I find myself doing the M2 Exit course at the Georgian College in Barrie. I have paid the $400 odd for the one-day course and test. It’s a fair amount of cash, I could have simply booked the test with a MOT approved test center for much less, but I suspect that I would not stand a chance in hell of passing. There is a plethora of little unwritten rules that I don’t know, which would in all likelihood prevent my success. In any event I am sure that the course will be fun. The first part of the course is a Friday evening classroom session starting at 6 p.m. but thanks to horrendous traffic, every bloke and his dog are heading up highway 400 to the cottage, I arrive half an hour late. I mean how was I to anticipate that the 60 kilometers from Newmarket to the campus would take me 2 hours? Anyway by the time I get there the evening had just got underway, and I only missed the introductions. The first half hour is in any event consumed with filling in a bunch of forms, mostly waivers and such like. I assume the college legal advisors have insisted these forms must be read out aloud as if we can’t read them for ourselves. I get it, but it is a real pain in the proverbial, probably more so for the instructor doing the reading. 

Our instructors are Sheri and Carolyn, hope that I have at least spelt their names correctly, at this point Carolyn has not yet made an appearance so Sheri is doing all the talking. She has a whole Kelly McGillis in Top Gun thing going, which is sexy and nice, but I am neither Tom Cruise nor Val Kilmer, so I reign in my imagination and concentrate on the lesson. I begin to realize that I am a really crap rider and start to harbor some doubts as to passing this test first time, there is just so much stuff that I know I don’t do properly and I seem to have developed as many bad habits as your average nunnery. Still Sheri is fairly confident that between her and Carolyn they will get us into shape and ready for the testing on the Saturday afternoon. I am less than sure, but more than willing to give it a go. For the benefit of my non-Canadian readers, divers’ licenses here have three levels (I am only talking about a normal car or motorcycle licenses, any other class I actually have no idea). So an M1 is just a written test about rules of the road and road signs and has a very limited life span, also limits the rider to certain classes of roads, daytime riding, no passengers etc. M2 is what I have, I can travel on any road, at any time of day, can have a passenger, but may only ride with 0% of alcohol in my blood. I am not here because I want to quaff a beer and ride, I am here because my M2 license expires after 5 years, so I have only two more years to get the full M. I could have, and indeed had planned to do this last year, but killing the Suzuki Boulevard in mid-season threw a spanner in the works. I have not entirely let on in these chronicles quite how that incident freaked me out.

M1 Exit course - ready to roll
  
On Saturday, morning after a night of disturbed dreams, I leave home at quarter to seven, which should get me there in time, even with a stop for gas. It is thankfully cool today and apparently forecast to remain cool for the whole day. I am not complaining; the M1 Exit course I did at Georgian College a few years back, took place in the middle of a heat wave.  I totally enjoyed the course and I think that’s when I became smitten with this particular activity, but it certainly was a sweaty two days. I decide to attempt to put everything I was taught last night into practice, maybe by the afternoon when I test, I’ll have drilled this stuff into my thick head. I find that singing the actions out helps me, ‘mirror check, look for hazards, check my speed, mirror check, flash the brake lights, mirror check, look for hazards, curbside lane, left track’. My head bobs up and down, side to side, maybe I’ll live longer, but I’ll surely get repetitive strain injury in my shoulders. I’m not as successful with this as I would like to be, and to my surprise keeping within the speed limits is a harder trick to get right than I imagined it would be – well maybe I shouldn’t be too surprised, I’ve never been exactly great at keeping to speed limits.

Traffic is as expected way lighter than last night, folks are either at the cottage or not going at all, still I manage to keep within the speed limit and to the right hand lane, left tire track just as the book says. A few lane changes for practice, ‘check the mirrors, indicate, check the mirrors, shoulder check, change lanes – keep in the right tire track, cancel indicator, check the mirrors’. Actually that’s exactly how I do this anyway, come to think about it. I fill up gas just before reaching Barrie, my C type KLR has the silliest little tank with a maximum range of 300 kilometers, assuming reasonably favorable conditions. I have discovered to my embarrassment that heavy winds can cut this by as much as 60, but today I’m sure that I’ll have plenty of gas to get through.

The Candidates
 I arrive well in time, most of the other riders are already there so we get to inspect each other’s’ bikes and chew the fat a little. Three of the group are there for trike licenses, all three ride CanAm Spiders, damn nice machines, different sort of ride for sure. There are a few cruisers and a couple of sport bikes, I’m the only enduro. The morning starts off with a quick turn through the M1 exist nemesis. It comprises a short course painted out with white lines in the parking lot. It starts off with a sharp right turning S bend, then into a curve that you are supposed to accelerate through to a stop. You turn around, come back through the curve and stop. Today with 40,000 kilometers experience it seems as easy as pie, yet this is where all the M1 exist course candidates lose points, this is effectively where on my first attempt I failed the test. Even the two big Harleys go through with ease. This is not part of the test, but apparently some sort of screening to check that you can actually handle your bike, I fully understand, this is about safety, they don’t need to be out on the road with a total greenhorn.    

We spend the morning riding on a route through the campus doing the various maneuvers over and over that we will be tested on - roadside stops, left-hand turns on red, on green, right-hand turns on red and green, through intersections, lane changes and so on. I’m liking doing this on the KLR a lot more than I would on any other bike, it’s light and maneuverable and designed to be able to move at 1 km/h without falling over. Soon it’s lunch time and I’m parched as well as hungry, everyone else rides off, I assume to some or other Tim Horton’s, but I am very virtuous, so have a packed lunch of boiled eggs, meatballs, homemade mayonnaise and some cheese…and water, lots of water. It’s not really that hot, yet still one dehydrates when dressed in jeans, motorcycle jacket, helmet gloves and boots.

Now I always dress like this when riding, I’m big into protective gear, especially since my little mishap on the Suzuki Boulevard. Normally the wind factor cools you down, but here doing these circuits and bumps you don’t get enough speed up to keep cool.  Speaking to the other riders on the course, my attitude to protective gear is the exception rather than the norm. Well whatever blows your skirt up, if riding with a piss-pot helmet, shorts, T-shirt and sandals does it for you, that’s fine, but I tell you when the moment comes, and it probably will, when your bacon meets the blacktop it’s way better to be dressed for the fall than for the beach. I actually think that riding a motorcycle at high speeds without proper protective gear is a bit of a Darwin Award thing.
And this year's award goes to....


After lunch we gather around the instructors and are divided into two groups, the Sheri group and Carolyn group, I am in the latter, we are all bikes, whereas the other group has the spiders as well as a few bikes. We are going for a group ride to get us used to what we will be doing during the test, part of which is to wear a wire. Well sort of, in reverse, we can hear the instructor through an earpiece attached to a radio, but our microphones are disabled. Our group sets off through the streets of Barrie with Carolyn’s voice in our heads, ‘When it is safe to do so, perform a roadside stop’ or ‘At the intersection, turn right’, and so on. She is being driven in a car following us. After a while she directs us to a parking lot where we get scolded for not shoulder checking the blind spot enough and insufficient head bobbing and weaving. This it seems is the key to passing or failing on points – of course you will fail instantly on a few other knockout things like; dropping your bike, causing an accident, going through a red light, riding over a pedestrian and exceeding the speed limit by a generous margin.

Final Lecture - Sheri


Doing this group ride makes me a little worried about my left-right/east-west dyslexia. This is a very weird problem that I have always had, goodness knows why. If you say to me ‘turn left’ I have to think first as to which side is left, and I don’t always get it right, or do I mean left? Same with east and west, I have no problems with north and south, up and down positive or negative. Here’s another funny thing, I’m an accountant, and a pretty decent one at that (no false modesty here), yet I also have to think if debits are written on the left or right of a T-account. I am eternally grateful for the computerized format; debits are positive credits are negative, my brain gets that, no problem, it’s a north-south way of looking at things. I am also not into group rides, as anyone that follows this blog may have noticed, the not-so-easy-rider is mostly a lone rider.  I’m fine with two, maybe even three or four, but beyond that I am not keen. Anyway, all goes well, I guess everyone is on their best behavior and Carolyn herds us like a border collie, she knows what to do and after a nice little ride we arrive back at the campus.

I’m lucky, I get to test first – after just a short bio break I’m riding and Carolyn is in the car behind me instructing me to do this, or that, turn left right or go straight, change lanes, take the highway. It’s almost like a GPS. I try not to get flustered by all the FU’s I’m making, wrong lane, dropped the brake light while waiting for the signal to change, missed the shoulder check, forgot to bob the head to show I’m looking for hazards. The right/left dyslexia only manifests once and I hear Carolyn yell, ‘your other left’ when I indicate a right turn.  Finally, we make it back to the campus and I make a last FU, just for good measure, as we get to the entrance, failed to get into the curbside lane quickly enough. I stop in the parking lot and after a few nail biting moments Carolyn presents my result, I did better than I expected, but worse than I hoped. I did crap, but I passed, 20 demit points, just 5 short of failing. I graduate, not with honors, but I graduate. I hope that I may just hang onto some of the good habits I have learnt and leave behind some of the bad ones I have discovered are part of my riding repertoire.

The Graduate 



It’s just after three and I’m done so I head home, but haven’t gone far when the thought strikes me that a little celebratory ride is in order, I go home the long, scenic way, via Terra Nova and a salad and a half pint of beer on the patio of the Terra Nova Public House.  I linger over a couple of coffees to let the beer out of the system before riding home. Technically I have still got an M2 license which, as mentioned, means zero alcohol in the blood. I take a leisurely ride home; life can sometimes be sweet.

Sunday, 17 July 2016

Dynamite Alley

So I have ridden some of these roads before, some of them a few times, yet I expect that will do nothing to diminish the fun factor. The Ontario Highlands are not soaring mountains, they are but ragged hills, still they are beautiful and home to some of the finest roads to ride a motorcycle on. Today the southern end of Highway 507 is the starting point of a loop I plan to ride, just over 510 kilometers, which, with the distance from home and back, going via Beaverton, Fenelon Falls and Bobcaygeon, should bring the full trip to a tidy 800 kilometers, or the magical 500 miles, a real Iron butt ride.

I have a subscription to the magazine Inside Motorcycles, ‘Canada’s Source for Motorcycling News’, the May edition came with a map, a nice big folded map called ‘Ride The Highlands’. Now anyone that has finally mastered the art of map folding, not as skillful as origami I will grant you, will confirm just how fascinating maps are. The map is of the Ontario Highlands with a bunch of routes worked out. The idea is that the Ontario Highlands have ‘handmade’ roads, roads cut from the forests of the Canadian Shield by human labor in the mid nineteenth to early twentieth centuries. They did not have the equipment that modern road builders have, as a result these roads tend to go around obstacles instead of through them, hence the fabulous twisties and why it is so awesome to ride a bike in this area. Which is not to say that they did no cutting at all, the route I have chosen to ride today is called Dynamite Alley, it is called that because there are enough examples of where the road builders simply could not go around all the obstacles and employed judicious amounts of dynamite to cut through the hillsides. The result are roads that have grand sweeping, truly sexy curves that are exactly what I’m after. Unhappily I have only one day available this weekend to ride, really need to organize my life better, so although the ride is billed as a two-day ride, I plan on doing it in one. http://ridethehighlands.ca/en/index

It’s Saturday on the Canada Day weekend, its already 10.45 and I’m just at the starting point of the loop, so I am feeling a little bit of pressure if indeed I’m going to make it all the way. 
It's Canada Day Weekend, Eh
I left home at about 8 a.m., not entirely at the proverbial fart-o-sparrow, but in my defense it was cold. Yes, in mid-summer it was cold, so I waited for it to warm up a wee bit, call me a ninny if you will, but I don’t enjoy being cold. I was attired in jeans, boots and mesh jacket when I pulled away, but stopped barely 5 kilometers from home and donned the full Frogg Toggs outfit, rain gear, as noted many times in this blog, keeps the wind out and the rider nice and toasty. I am stopped at a small gas station that is insanely busy with people filling containers with gasoline for motorboats, also a lot of motorcycle. They have a funny system here, I guess it is called the honor system, you pump your gas, take a note of the charge, then go inside and tell the cashier how much and pay. There are not many places in the world where something like this would work, there is something to be said for that. On a less happy note, after filling up gas I take a pee in the most disgustingly filthy washroom I have yet encountered in Canada.

Highway 507 is a 38 kilometer stretch of one of the best roads to ride on that I know, I remember the first time I rode down Highway 507 from Gooderham, it was so much fun that I promptly turned around and rode back up again. I am of course not alone in this conviction, while I was stopped at the gas station I saw at least 40 bikes set off on Highway 507. It may be a little cold and windy, but the biking fraternity are indeed out an about today. I ride at a fair clip, carving my way through the curves at a little over the speed limit and well over the recommended speed for the corners, nonetheless I get overtaken by a group of about six sport bikes, big fast BMWs, that make me look like I’m stopped at the side of the road. It looks like awfully good fun, but I really don’t have the balls for that sort of riding. Perhaps had I learnt to ride in my reckless youth it would be different. The more I ride the KLR the happier I become with it, it fits the type of riding I want to do. It’s not the greatest bike on the pavement nor is it off-road, but it’s a decent compromise. I have discovered that to enjoy my ride I don’t actually need all that much power, all that much speed and I definitely don’t want all that weight. It’s also cheap and cheerful, as am I, so we get along just fine.


Views from Highway 507


From Gooderham the route carries on north on Highway 3 or Glamorgan road, marginally less twisty and as scenic as the 507, it’s 17 kilometers span is over far too quickly, but now I’m onto highway 118 going north-west and through Haliburton. This is one of my favorite towns in East Muskoka and home to the Baked and Battered Cottage Bakery and Fish Fry. It’s on Highland Street overlooking Head Lake, they do this thing call coconut shrimp, oh my. They use a large peeled shrimp, still with the tail, flayed open so that it is shaped like an oval disk, battered then coated in shredded coconut and deep fired. A few weeks back I stopped there for lunch and had battered haddock with four of these instead of chips – I’m still doing the low carb/Banting way of eating, though I guess there are carbs in the batter. Anyway, it was bordering on an orgasmic experience - sitting on the verandah, taking in the view and enjoying the meal.http://bakedandbattered.com . Though I am hungry by now I decide that it is too soon since the last stop to have a rest break, Dorset is about an hour away via the suggested route, which is on Highway 118 to Carnarvon then North on Highway 35, but first a little loop up to Eagle Lake on Haliburton Road, and back to the 118 on Eagle Lake Road. 
If you are ever in that area at a mealtime (or even if not at an official mealtime) stop by there

I like riding Highway 118 and 35. These are the main roads around here so they are wider, less twisty, and I suspect not handmade, but nonetheless have wonderful sweeping curves.  The blacktop is in great condition and traffic is relatively light so I manage to get up to a fairly exhilarating speed - well relative to the KLR - carving my way through absolutely stunning scenery of lakes, craggy hills and verdant forest. This may not be the Rocky Mountains, and I do tease a little that this hills are called ‘the Highlands’, but that does not detract from the fact that this is a truly gorgeous area. I’ve said it before and I’ll no doubt say it again; I am privileged to live in such a beautiful part of the world. I turn off Highway 35 to go into Dorset, a lovely little village, in search of a ‘spot of lunch’, as an Englishman might say. Alas that is not to be, there is something on in the town and it is heaving with people. I have serious doubts that I’d find a table anywhere, damn should have lunched in Haliburton, I am by now very hungry, but I have a pathological hatred for crowds, to be honest I am not all that keen on the company of my fellow man other than in moderate doses, crowds really scare the shit out of me.

I flee and head back to Highway 35 – maybe I’ll have more luck in Dwight, which as it turns out is exactly what happens. Shortly before the turnoff onto Highway 60 I stumble on the Bush Company Bar and Grill. Another of those great country restaurants I keep on discovering on my travels. I seem to be at the risk of turning this blog into a guide to eating your way around, still I’ll mention that the Southern fried chicken sandwich (I didn’t eat the bread) and baked brie and caramelized onion dip was way more than merely decent. http://www.thebushcompany.com. They had tables to spare and the service was excellent.
There is one thing I have realized about low carb eating – it is nearly impossible to find a quick meal anywhere that does not include bread. I ate on the patio which was inside a garden, fortunately far from the maddening crowd.

Highway 60 took me through Algonquin Park. A nice enough ride, scenic, but not really anything to write home about from a biking point of view. You do stand a chance of encountering a moose or deer or even a black bear, any of which could do some serious damage to a motorcycle and/or rider and visa-versa I presume, but that doesn’t stop me riding at a bit above the speed limit of 80 km/h. I am certainly not alone in doing this, the traffic speed is at least 100 km/h, this is one of the main drags to Ottawa, the fact that it goes right through a provincial park does not detract in any way from its primary purpose of conveying cars quickly and efficiently. It doesn’t take me long to get to the east gate, a mere 60 kilometers from the west gate. By now my lunch has started to settle nicely and I’m feeling decidedly sleepy. This may come as a surprise, but it is entirely possible to fall asleep while riding a motorbike, even doing a decent speed. This is not something I want to do as I’m sure taking a nap at 85 km/h can be fatal or at the very least painful and inconvenient, so I stop at the Opeongo Outfitting Store, there is a sign that they sell coffee.

Now if you need to be outfitted for camping, canoeing, hiking, fishing and so on, then this is the place to come to. I think this is weird, if I were coming to Algonquin to do any of these things I would have all this shit sorted out long before reaching the very edge of the park. It’s a bit like those luggage shops you see in airports; WTF do people arrive at the airport destined for exotic places and they have their stuff in shopping bags pending the purchase of a suitcase? I assume these places must actually sell things because they are still in business. Anyway here at Opeongo Outfitting Store, 3 Generations of Experienced Outfitters Since 1936 you may also acquire T-shirts, baseball caps, key rings, moccasins, RCMP teddy bears, wee bottles of maple syrup and other typical Canadian crap that gets sold to tourists. They do sell coffee which is almost undrinkable, but I force it down anyway. I also buy a few cans of sugar free Red Bull and after downing two of these I think I’m armored against the midafternoon drowsies, not to mention that the pending pressure on the bladder will almost certainly keep me awake.

I notice that the sky above me has assumed an ominous dark aspect, it has been switching between clear and threatening rain for most of the ride so far, but this looks a little more serious. To the south things look better so I decide to moderate the route a little and take Highway 127 south instead of carrying on to Madawaska and the 523 south. Almost immediately I regret the decision, Highway 523 was one of the attractions of the route, not that the 127 is bad, but it’s definitely not a hand-cut road and almost bereft of twisties. Heading south does actually get me away from the storm clouds and it’s not long before I’m riding through the proverbial sunlight uplands on a road that is almost innocent of traffic. The blacktop is in excellent condition so I must confess to taking the old KLR up to a speed it was not really designed to do. The Suzuki Boulevard C90T, that I used to ride, could get to 140 without breaking into a sweat, but I assure you that it’s a heap more fun on the KLR maxed out at that speed, not to mention scary as all hell. At Maynooth I leave the main roads and turn west onto Peterson Road, which on paper looks like one heck of a road to ride – and so it turns out to be.

Peterson road, and eventually Elephant Lake road, as it morphs into, is definitely one of those hand-made roads. This is very hilly country and I am treated to many stunning views as I crest hills and get a brief glimpse of forest canopy and a multitude of lakes. There is not much traffic and I only see one motorcycle coming from the opposite direction, I find this a little odd as it is a fabulous road to ride, but I guess this is a little off the beaten path. Eventually, by way of a few other gorgeous little winding roads, I reach Highway 118, my old favorite and go east for a few miles until I meet up with Highway 28, south bound.

Elephant Lake Road

Elephant Lake 



I am now tired, sore-of-ass and heading home. Highway 28 takes me parallel to highway 507, just on the east side of the Kawatha Highlands Provincial Park, where I started the loop this morning. It’s nice enough, but no match for the 507 in terms of a great motorbike road. Burleigh Falls to Buckhorn and soon I pass the gas station with the honor system and disgusting washrooms, the loop is done and I’m going home. Twelve hours and three minutes after setting out this morning, I pull the KLR into the garage and ease ass from the saddle. I have covered 765 Kilometers, 35 short of the planned Ironbut. I am slightly disappointed in myself, but then this isn’t a challenge, I do this for fun and entirely for myself. 

Friday, 1 July 2016

Calgary

It is true that I usually write this blog in the first person present tense, the idea is to give the reader a sense of being with me on my travels. This post will just not work that way as the events are so clearly in the past, so I’ll do a more traditional story telling mode, first person past tense. This year is just not turning out the way I had hoped, between a bathroom reno that frankly did not go well thanks to a bad contractor decision, and being frantically busy at work, I’m writing a whole lot less than I should and riding the KLR only a fraction as much as I want to. It is now at the beginning of official summer and I don’t think I’ve done more than 2000 kilometers this year so far, bloody disgrace. The weather has also played its part with the arrival of summer this year in a peak-a-boo, now you see it now you don’t fashion. Snow in the middle of May and morning temperatures below 5 degrees Celsius in the middle of June.


Token motorcycle for this post (Gasoline Alley Calgary)

A few Sundays back is a case in point, I had signed up to do the Cannonball Ironbutt 500, which is a 500 mile ride to be completed in twelve hours. This sounds like an easy feat and in a car is not a particularly heavy drive, but on a motorcycle it is quite grueling as you don’t have time to take many breaks and to rest much, hence the name ‘Ironbutt’, motorcycle seats are generally rather uncomfortable. Anyway, the day dawned and I was up at the fart-of-sparrow to get to the starting point by 7 a.m. It was about 5 degrees centigrade when I left home and the weather was expecting to reach a balmy 18 degrees (feels like 14, or something like that), with 60 km/h gusty winds. Not entirely motorcycling weather at its best. I’m not just a fair weather biker, but I do ride for enjoyment and in normal circumstances I would not be staring of a day’s ride on a day like this, of course if I was already on a trip I’d take the rough with the smooth. In any event I set off manfully after inserting the lining back into the mesh jacket, double socking and donning the full rain gear outfit – rain gear is not just for keeping out rain, but is very effective at keeping a chap warm. I think it was the windiest conditions I have ridden in, at least on the KLR, the Boulevard was a lot heavier machine so probably handled wind better. Even before reaching my starting point, I had a few underwear soiling moments when a gust of wind took me from one lane to another on the motorway. This became a bit of a theme for the day especially when one was riding north or south and through open county. Forest areas were less difficult as the trees shielded me from the wind to some extent, but a lot of the route was on motorways and main roads, which tend to go through farming areas with little forest cover. No excuses offered, I have no point to prove, I bailed less than half way after a particularly wild gust of wind nearly popped me onto the soft shoulder with potentially fatal results. As it is wisely said, he who fights and runs away, lives to fight another day. Instead of battling high winds and busy traffic, I took the little roads less travelled by and wound my way home exploring dirt roads, even had time to stop at a really nice (sheltered from the wind) spot and enjoy the lunch I had packed of store bought grilled chicken, boiled eggs and homemade mayonnaise, washed down with a tin of sugar free Red Bull.

I see that I have gotten a little off subject as this post is titled ‘Calgary’. There was no motorcycling involved in this trip, but it was a pretty interesting week nonetheless. Calgary, outside of the annual stampede event, is not usually considered much of a tourist destination, so you may be wondering what on earth I was doing there in the middle of May, and without a motorcycle to boot. The irresistible attraction to this immovable object was a chance to meet-up with my youngest sister, citizen and resident of Australia these past couple of decades. My siblings and I are true participants of the great white South African diaspora, we each literally live in a different corner of the globe – North America, China, Australia and South Africa, like the British Empire, the sun is always shining on one of us. Tamra, my youngest sib, and Liam, my nephew, were in Calgary for Liam to compete in an international wrestling meet, where he was representing Australia as a junior (under 21, I think that means). The young man has talent and took the Gold Medal – three fights that each lasted not much more than the blink of an eye. The interesting thing about this sport was the number of female participants, in my fuddy-duddy old fashion way I had somehow assumed that this was an all-male
sport. Lady wrestling was something done in nightclubs in large tubs of mud for the edification and financial fleecing of oversexed men. Clearly I was wrong and in this completion at least, there were as many female bouts as male and not much difference in technique between the sexes.

Liam takes Gold



The event was held inside an enormous indoor stadium on Calgary University campus, originally built for the speed skating events for the 1988 Winter Olympics. The venue was big enough to host two other tournaments at the same time, Judo and Taekwondo. By midday on Sunday the competitive part of the wresting was done and the athletes retired to wherever athletes retire to in order to rest and recuperate for the week ahead, which was a training camp. Tamra and I decided to head downtown to check out the Devonian Gardens. After about an hour delay getting the campus security to look after a dog locked in a car (see http://not-so-easy-rider.blogspot.ca/2016/05/a-hole-of-week.html) we made our way, courtesy of my Tom Tom GPS, to the center of the city where the Devonian Gardens are to be found. These gardens occupy the top floor of a downtown shopping mall, flourishing under a glass hothouse. On that day the air-conditioning was probably working hard to cool the place down, but I
guess in the middle of winter - Calgary gets pretty bloody cold, not for nothing do cars around here have block heaters – they probably need to push a bit of heat. Now for anyone that hasn’t been to Calgary, the city is obsessed with paleontology, there are dinosaur motifs everywhere. Of course the Devonian period was way before any dinosaurs walked the earth, but it still all fits in with the general image of Calgary. I presume the intension is to have plants growing that would have not been strangers to this particular epoch. From my perspective they really succeed in creating a fascinating urban park that is completely unexpected. I would imagine that coming here in February to get away from the icy winter outside must be a truly wonderful thing for residents of Calgary – the Devonian was apparently a comparatively warm epoch.  

We had lunch at a fast foods sushi place in the gardens, which was pretty decent for a fast food joint, and it served seaweed salad, a dish that has become a favorite for me. After lunch we took a walk through downtown Calgary, this really is a delightful little city. It’s on a completely manageable scale, but has all the sophistication of art, museums, restaurants, bars, squares and fountains, a small China town, street performers and so on that you can wish for.
Downtown Calgary
It reminds me in some way of Edinburgh, vastly different in antiquity, but similar in spirit, both of these cities layer grittiness and urban sophistication in a similar way.  Our walk took us to the Bow River where it looked like half of the city center residents were out walking and enjoying the sunny weather, nice.

Back at the hotel we made a supper of ham, cheese, coleslaw, avocado and hummus, Scotch for me and wine for Tamra. We shared a hotel room, something we probably had not done in forty years, but it seemed to work out fine, I felt no discomfort with the arrangement and neither, it appeared, did she. The room is billed as a suite, which I guess it is as we had a very basic kitchenette and a couch, in addition to two queen size beds, bathroom of course. It was enough and we spent many happy hours catching up, sitting on that couch. And we had an awful lot of catching up to do, we have led very different lives. Tamra has managed to achieve a domesticity coupled with career success that is nothing short of enviable.

Monday morning after a breakfast of microwave bacon and scrambled eggs we headed off to the Badlands of Drumheller and the Royal Tyrrell Museum. This is a good 150 kilometers from Calgary and the source of the paleontology theme referred to earlier. I stupidly decided when we reached Drumheller that I should turn off the GPS as I had an excellent idea where to go to find the museum, so we got to
travel an additional 30 kilometers on the entirely wrong road. Luckily we were in no actual hurry to be anywhere and at least Tamra got to see a herd of bison, farmed like cows, but bison nonetheless. Memo to me, the GPS knows the route, I don’t. Actually now that I am thinking about this I really should get a GPS for my motorcycle, though that would spoil all the fun I have getting horribly lost and seeing things I would otherwise not see.

The Badlands of Drumheller are interesting, reminiscent of all those western movies of my youth, and the photo comics of my army days – poes bookies for my South African readers, ‘Ryter in Swart’ esv. The badlands are of course the very reason that the museum exists, the erosion exposed the dinosaur fossils that have made this area world famous for, well dinosaur fossils.

Badlands


The Royal Tyrell Museum is totally worth the admission fee of $18 each, costly though this is.  The exhibits are arranged in geological ages. They illustrate this with globes of the earth, showing how the continents stacked up at that particular age. Starting with the pre-Cambrian, then Cambrian explosion as documented by the Burgess Shale - discovered not that far from here in the Rockies - and taking the visitor right through to, geologically speaking, modern times. Sometimes just skeleton, sometimes fully reconstructed, the exhibits are really well done and for a brief moment I am able to fathom a succinct sequence of epochs and the creatures that played a part in each epoch, but this does not stay with me quite as well as I would like it to.  Jurassic, Triassic, Carboniferous and so on tend to get a bit mixed up in my mind. This is sad because these were great big swathes of time that I really ought to be a whole lot clearer about. What is a certainty is that this is an absolute must see place, if only to put us in our real place as Johnny-come-latelies that in the greater scheme of things will barely be worth a footnote in the annuals of life on the planet earth. I can compose that footnote for us, ‘Homo sapiens sapiens, so called, but not actually very wise. This species very briefly inhabited the planet for approximately a mere 100 000 years, before going extinct due to its own over consumption and stupidity.’ 



After the tour through the museum we took a short walk on a marked trail through a piece of badlands, part of the museum experience, where we came across some very tame prairie dogs, a species of ground squirrel. Our plump dachshunds at home would love to encounter tame squirrels that don’t have trees to escape into.     

Tame prairie dog


We met up with the young athlete for dinner at a restaurant, carefully chosen for its proximity to the hotel and hence the ability to have a few Scotches and walk home. The restaurant was called ‘Nick’s’ and the theme was 70’s steakhouse, owned and operated by Greeks. I liked it, though the food was not really fantastic, it took me back in time to my youth when eating out was a novel experience and steakhouses were about the pinnacle of culinary experiences. In the large town I grew up in, aside from the handful of small hotels that had dining rooms with set menus and a few roadhouses, there were literally no restaurants, until some Cypriot opened a steakhouse. Here we learned the term À la carte. I recall that ordering a ‘Mixed Grill’ was considered a sophistication of note. I don’t know if mixed grills were on menus anywhere else in the world, but for us this comprised of a feast of grilled sausage, fried steak, lamb chops, bacon or ham, two fried eggs, fried onions, chips, a token slice or two of tomato and several slices of white toast, possibly also fried. It was freaking awesome, if a little fattening.

Tuesday dawned and after a great brekky of microwave bacon, microwave eggs, coleslaw and avocado we headed out to Banff. Now Banff is a bit of an Albertan, if not a Canadian, institution. People talk about Banff as if they have actually lived there, I suspect it lies in the spelling of the town. How do you pronounce it, ‘Banf-f’ or just ‘Banf’, the former is more fun, but I presume the latter is correct. I have been to Banff once before during a business trip to Calgary, the client I was working with took me out there on a Sunday. Banff is situated at the base of the foothills of the Rocky Mountains, a superb location.  It was the winter when I visited, but even then it was a great experience, indeed the mountains have a stark beauty in winter that is something to be seen. I’ve mentioned before on this blog how much I miss mountains here in flat old Ontario. As we got close to Banff the mountains rose up from the prairie and my heart lifted with them.  

Banff from Sulphur Mountain


Of course I turned off the GPS when I was sure I knew where to turn off the Trans Canadian Highway, and of course I missed it so overshot by about 13 kilometers. Why it took me so long to realize my mistake is a bit of a mystery, but there you are. After my little detour we drove through town heading first for the obligatory trip up Sulphur Mountain on the cable car… see http://banffandbeyond.com/banff-gondola/. Being a little early in the season it wasn’t too crowded and there was not much of line-up (‘queue’ for non-North American readers). I noticed that many of the tourists were retirees, the new nomads driving these enormous RV’s, pains in the ass on the road. Anyway we ended up sharing a gondola with just such a couple on the way up, and later a different, but identical pair on the way down. Pleasant and chatty though they were, my anti-social persona
Boardwalk with back of sister
would have preferred indifferent silence. I’m not sure I’d conclude that a trip up Sulphur mountain is worth it had we had a two-hour line-up as I suspect would happen in high season, but for us it certainly was. Utterly fantastic views and the walk along the boardwalk on the very top of the mountain to the old weather station was quite something. I drank in the Rockies knowing that soon I’d be back in Ontario and would have to be satisfied with the Kawatha ‘Highlands’ which are barely more than a few pimples on the flat face of Ontario.

Once back in the valley we headed to town in search of lunch. Banff is surprisingly short on parking space, but we eventually we found a spot and after a short walk through the town center found a nice looking Japanese restaurant where we had an entirely passable meal of Sushi and Sashimi washed down with Japanese beer. During lunch Tamra had mentioned that she had not had much of a sense of the aboriginal history, or even encountered a North American Indian. This is true, there is precious little to remind you that only a few hundred years ago this was all the homeland of Sioux, Blackfoot and so on before Europeans obliterated and dispossessed those that lived on the lands that they wanted. A Google search using my phone managed to find at least one museum dedicated to the Indian people that had lived here, the Buffalo Nations Luxton Museum. The building looks like a fort of timber construction; like the ones
a little on the cheesy side exhibit - Buffalo Nations Luxton Museum
you see in old Western movies. It isn’t the greatest of museums and some of the exhibits are rather cheesy, the old fashioned type with poorly made dummies in poses around teepees, still it was interesting and the quite reasonable entrance fee included a small cup of terribly bad coffee in Styrofoam. We were a little disappointed in that we didn’t get a chance to meet with a genuine Indian, the lady that manned the entrance cash point was almost certainly Filipino. Tamra however did pick up some literature on a place called Head-Smashed-In Buffalo Jump, more of that later. 

The next day was to be a quiet day, we spent the morning doing housekeeping stuff like laundry, getting up late and lazing about in the suite and sadly I had some work to do. In the afternoon we decided on one short excursion to Gasoline Alley, a motor car museum. Actually we wanted to see Heritage Park, which is a sort of collection of historical buildings, some actually transported from the original spot, others are recreations, but we were a few days too early as the season had not yet started and the park was not open to the public.
Gasoline Alley, part of Heritage Park is open all year round and worth a visit, more so if you are a petrol head. I’m not, but still it was a well spent few hours. The museum has two floors chock full of the largest collection of cars I have ever seen, spanning from the late nineteenth century to cars from the sixties… even has a caravan which I think dates from about the fifties. They were all meticulously and beautifully restored. There was also a collection of gas station pumps going back to the very early days of motoring. On the lower level there was a guide, a retired chap with an interest in motor cars and he gave us the background story about many of the exhibits which made the visit more interesting than it otherwise would have been. The museum does however fall short in one aspect as far as I am concerned, no motorcycles, can you believe it. None unless you count one motorized bicycle, but then I guess I am prejudiced, motorcars I see as a mode of transport, motorcycles are for fun. 

To be fair the museum does give a sense of the time when motoring was more fun and I felt some nostalgia for the golden age of motoring, Route 66, dive-in theaters, road houses, driving through small towns en-route to a holiday destination, motels and so in. This era is often considered to be a North American phenomenon, of course it wasn’t confined to this continent, it was worldwide. I have wonderful memories of our annual holidays, which usually meant a twelve hour, 650 kilometer drive to the Natal coast. The towns we went through as we progressed to the sea are burned into my mind, Heidelberg, Warden, Harrismith, Van Reenen (and over the magnificent Van Reenen’s Pass), Ladysmith, Colenso, Estcourt, Mooiriver, Pietermaritzburg, Pinetown and finally Durban. I loved going through Estcourt as that was when you started to see lots of Indians about the town and you knew you were well inside Natal and the seaside had to be just ahead. I can recall all of the cars we did this trip in, even an old Morris with wooden beading. One year my dad and the four of us siblings did the trip in a Volkswagen Beetle, with luggage for a two-week holiday, my eldest sister, Karen, was a teenager, so you can imagine the luggage issue. Tamra was quite small and being the youngest spent the trip in the little luggage compartment behind the back seat. The two middle children, Tracy and I sat on the back seat squeezed between a heap of suitcases and the side of the car.
 

The construction of motorways and malls has brought this era to an end. Now one can drive from Johannesburg to Durban in an air-conditioned steel, glass and plastic bubble listening to perfect quality sound in 5 hours without even having to stop for gas. The towns I knew so well are just signposts on highway exists and if you did go there the businesses that served the travelers are all gone and I suspect the towns have become poorer and probably uglier. The drive-ins and road houses that were the highpoints of entertainment of my childhood are also gone, I mean could you possibly beat a toasted cheese sandwich and lime milkshake at the roadhouse, followed by a spaghetti western at the drive-in? Ah yes, hanging out at the mall, stuffing your face at the food court with plastic food and pounding a smart phone with your finger.

Our last day together arrived all too soon. The weather had turned to cold and rainy, being the prairies snow would have not been entirely out of the question.
We decided to drive the 180 kilometers south to the Head-Smashed-In Buffalo Jump site, which turned out to be a world heritage site and another stunning place to visit in this part of the world, despite its gruesome sounding name. A buffalo jump, I assume that there were many of these in the time before the Europeans arrived on the scene and decimated the buffalo (bison) herds, is a site that naturally forms a funnel between two hills with the narrow part of the funnel ending in a cliff. Before horses and guns this was probably the only way that native Americans could effectively hunt this animal. They would lure, by employing several ruses, a small offshoot of the herd into the catchment area of the funnel, then frighten the animals into a stampede that took then over the cliff, where a group of the hunters would finish then off with clubs and spears. Fairly horrible way to go I suppose, but no worse than getting taken down by a pack of wolves, as it is said, ‘nature, red in tooth and claw’, and in those days’ humans were part of nature. A few successful buffalo hunts in the fall were critical for a band of Indians to make it through the fierce winters here. Pemmican (fire dried, crushed meat and berries mixed with fat) for food, hides for shelters and all sorts of thing and bones for fuel, at least nothing went to waste.

The cliff at the end of the funnel

Blackfoot man explains how his ancestors did not waste any part of hunted animals 


 The facility is really well done and the museum staff are all genuine North America Indians, bit of mixed blood here and there I am sure, but that is the reality of what has happened to the native Americans since the palefaces arrived. It’s been a story of near genocide, mirrored almost everywhere where Europeans have decided to lay claim to territory that was populated by so called primitive societies. Now we bemoan the fact that aboriginals, be they be in the New World, Africa, Polynesia or Australia, have social issues, high levels of alcoholism and type 2 diabetes, conveniently forgetting that we destroyed their social structures, stole their land and in some cases actually hunted them down like vermin. The Head-Smashed-In site is a reminder of the heritage of a people that learned to survive, nay thrive, in a tough place to do so, but which has been lost forever. I think these people once lived well, they had community, their lives had purpose and they had a whole lot more freedom than we enjoy today.

Back in Calgary we met up with Liam for a farewell dinner. I was to fly out at 6 a.m. the next morning, which meant I would be leaving the hotel at well before any early birds have begun to look for worms, and not likely to see the young man and my sister again for some years. We talked, wistfully, of our childhood desire, indeed firmly held belief, that us siblings would all live our lives in walking distance of each other and our children would grow up together in a large extended family. Obviously things did not work out that way, our children all speak with different accents and probably keep in touch because of Facebook more than anything thing else. It is sad in some ways, but in other ways we have all led interesting lives that perhaps we would not have had we all simply stayed in Boksburg where we grew up. Had we lived on the edge of the prairies 300 years ago and drove bison over cliffs for a living, maybe we would have seen our children grow up together, maybe I would swap that life for mine, but we are not given that option.

I miss my sisters, all of them, and the way Tamra and I just ‘clicked’ again after all the years since we have been together made me realize that blood, or at least a shared youth, is thicker than water. I must admit that I like Calgary and surrounds. I have spent a few weeks in this city in the past on business, but this is the first time I have been really able to explore a little. It’s nice, but I don’t want to live here, as mentioned, winter in Calgary is the real deal, it gets waaay colder than a witch’s proverbial.


 I must try to get to Australia sometime, I believe there are some awesome roads to ride a motorcycle on there.  

Sunday, 15 May 2016

A-hole of the week

I normally am not a busy-body that goes around telling others how to behave, but I will make an exception or this.

I am currently visiting Calgary - sadly not on my motorbike - got here by plane and hired a car, I had business at the Calgary University Campus today, the subject of a future post. As I was about to leave the parking lot, I noticed this little guy panting in the car parked next to me.




The day was not wildly hot, but was sunny and cloudless and in the sun the interior of my rental car was hot enough to be quite uncomfortable even after the windows were wound down.

Now the drivers' side window and the passenger side window were open a crack, but even so it must have been getting really hot inside this car. I could not see if any water had been made available and as I said the little dog was panting. I could see from the pay-and-display ticket on the dash that the car had been there more than two hours.

I called campus security and waited until they arrived - I trust that they took the matter further and did not just leave the poor dog to it's fate. I want to give this message to whoever left that dog in that car - you are a fuck-wit and the winner of this week's Stupid Asshole of the Week award. Congrats.


 Asshole of the week... And the winner is....

Saturday, 7 May 2016

Man For All Seasons

The thought has struck me that I have managed to ride more than once during each season of the year over the past year. Spring, summer and fall are expected, but I did ride in Ontario on Christmas day and technically it was still winter in Savannah, albeit on the cusp of spring, when I rented the Harley Softail. I guess Savannah doesn’t really count as it was T-shirt and shorts weather most of the time I was there. The long and harsh winter here in Canada is the bane of the lives of anyone that loves to ride a motorcycle. Anyone else that likes outdoorsy stuff as well I suppose, but winter does allow me to do other things with the time that I would otherwise fritter away with riding my motorbike and writing blogs about it. That is the theory anyway, and now that the riding season has started I look back on the achievements of the winter compared to the plans I had in November and frankly I despair for myself. The book I was going to write hasn’t progressed beyond 40 pages, the carpentry projects I was going to tackle floundered, the house interior did not get a single lick of paint, I did not even read the books I had intended to. Goodness knows what the fuck I’ve been doing with all my time.

Here in Canada we are living through a paradox that we are not entirely happy with, a mild winter followed by a shitty spring. It’s as if the mild winter has seriously overstayed it’s welcome, like a guest that has drunk too much of your booze and simply doesn’t get the message that it’s time to bugger off home. We have a few warm days, then the temperature drops to zero or even below. Two weekends ago Sunday was warm enough for Helena and I to take a ride together, now Helena just does not ride if it’s too cold, so it was actually pretty decent, still cool enough to need to be well wrapped up on a bike though. We went north to Terra Nova, not far from the spot that I wiped out on with the Boulevard, actually went passed the scene of the crime… very slowly around that particular bend. We had a reasonably decent cup of coffee at the Terra Nova Public House, before heading home. They do a prime rib roast dinner every Sunday evening, it’s a nice little pub, so I’d like try this out one Sunday evening, possibly just drive up in the Dodge Caravan. Boring I know, but I don’t like to ride at night in these parts due to the abundance of small forest animals that can wander across your path and create an issue for you and themselves – also I don’t ride with alcohol in my blood. It would be difficult to enjoy an evening in a pub and not have a glass or two of something stronger than Diet Coke. Maybe I’ll invite someone that can be the DD and then I can imbibe enough to make everyone much more interesting… but not enough to convince myself that I am interesting or can actually dance the fandango.

Anyway, that’s just all speculation – today is the last day in April and the weather is playing ball for a change, a glance at the forecast tells me that this is just a blip on an otherwise wet and overcast spring pattern we are experiencing. Tomorrow is not going to be pleasant so it’s a matter of use it or lose it, I decide on the former, and rush through my Saturday chores. Just a note here on my screwed up generation, when I was a kid my dad did not have chores to do, I did, now having reached the age when I start to get senior discounts I still have chores, WTF went wrong? No matter, by noon I’m all chored out, its KSU (kick stand up) time and I’m out of there. I have set out with no real idea where I’m going to ride to, normally I have some sort of plan, If I’m riding with Helena or some else then I plan the route as carefully as possible, but when I’m riding alone it’s a little loosey-goosey.

 I find myself heading north on side roads west of Highway 27, mostly gravel roads through farming areas. Preparations for the coming growing season are well underway, fields are plowed, some even planted. I notice that the sod farmers are already rolling up the first batch of the season. Indeed, I have noticed that the temporary garden centers that appear in the parking lots of grocery stores are in process of going up, gardening has started despite the lousy weather. The rule of thumb is not to start planting seedlings until Victoria Day - May 23, possibility of low overnight temperatures. Helena violated this rule a few years back and we ended up frantically digging up hundreds of seedlings one evening and bringing them into the house to escape the frost. Canadians seem to be big on gardening even though the gardening season is even shorter than the motorcycling season, my personal contribution to the garden comprises of one day a year to repair and re-commission the sprinkler system and I look after the composters. Gardening isn’t entirely my bag, baby. Luckily Helena is an enthusiastic gardener.


Our Garden in Summer - Fruits of Helena's Labor.. and my compost 



Riding in this area this time of year reminds me strongly of the Natal Midlands in winter. It’s something more than the rolling hills, mostly grey and brown fields, olive green patches of forest, tidy farms and an occasional patch of green, it’s in the light and angle of the sun. A wave of nostalgia hits me, which is a little ridiculous as I have, all told, probably spent less than three weeks of my whole life in that area and most of that just driving through on my way to the Natal Coast. Nostalgia is a really an odd phenomenon, it’s just a trick our minds play on us, false memory syndrome for the most part. I think my nostalgia is for the time that I knew that if I wanted to I could drive a few hundred kilometers and be in the lovely Natal Midlands in just a few hours, though that never actually happened on a whim like that. Of course the Midlands are not all that lovely in all of its parts, hidden in the hills are thousands of hopeless shanty settlements where possibly millions of people live lives mired in poverty and sometimes tribal violence. The reality of the other side of the African coin.


 Shades of Natal Midlands 

Anyway, as I get close to Barrie I drag my mind back to the task at hand and decide to take Highway 400 north through the city, past my Alma Mater (Georgian College weekend M1 exit motorcycle license course) and up to Horseshow Valley and Craighurst. I make a mental note to register for the M2 exist course, I’d like to do it this spring. It was my intension to do the course last summer, but the episode with the Suzuki Boulevard and the steel barrier got in my way  http://not-so-easy-rider.blogspot.ca/2015/08/death-of-boulevard.html, at the time the incident freaked me out a little more than I cared to admit.  I am over that, I still like to go fast now and then, but I don’t take a corner faster than am confident to do so. I have, however, improved on my cornering and maybe even have regained confidence beyond the Boulevard crash point, certainly the KLR is a much more maneuverable bike.

The short stretch on Highway 400 is fun once the City of Barrie is in the rear view mirrors and road works are behind me. The pavement is in super condition on this stretch, nicely redone in the past year or two. The KLR has no problem doing highway speeds and I can totally hold my own in the motorway traffic, surprisingly going from 120 km/h to 130 to overtake takes only a couple of seconds, more to the surprise of the motorists than to me.  This is actually quite a gutsy little machine, it would totally smoke the V-twin 900 cc Kawasaki Vulcan, the first motor cycle I owned. It does, however, burn oil at sustained speeds over 120 km/h so I try to avoid long distances on the motorway, but the odd 30 or 40 kilometer stretch playing a bit of Russian roulette in the high-speed motorway traffic just adds to the excitement of being alive. There is a line from the movie ‘The World’s Fastest Indian’ where Burt Monro (Antony Hopkins) says that he lives more in five minutes riding his motorcycle flat out than most people manage to live in a lifetime.
I’m not trying to break any land speed records, but I do get what he is talking about, the feeling of pushing the envelope, that’s what is so alluring about riding a motorcycle. I’m certainly not looking for death, but I have reached the age when I have realized that immortality is not an option, actually if it were to be available it would not necessarily be a good option, so if my end were to come riding my bike that would be acceptable. My children have reached the age that they are, or should, be independent, I would be missed I’m sure, but nobody will go hungry as a result of my demise. The one thing I worry about is getting into an accident that leaves me seriously impaired, mentally or physically, much rather I be a total write off.

On that depressing note I take the turn-off to Craighurst and Horseshoe Valley. This is where I did the one day course last year on off-road/dirt bike riding with Clinton Smout (see http://not-so-easy-rider.blogspot.ca/2015/09/on-and-offthe-road-that-is.html ). This really is a lovely area to ride through, but first things first, I am starving now and a stop at Loobies Restaurant in Craighurst is in order. This is a place worth stopping at and spending more than the 45 minuets I have budget for. Last year Clinton bought me a coffee and slice of strawberry rhubarb pie at the end of the course at Loobies. Today I order the Canadian hamburger, sans the bun, with creamy coleslaw, I’m still eating low carb. They serve this on a bed of lettuce and tomato, beef patty, cheddar cheese and bacon, very, very tasty and the coleslaw is delicious… the coffee is not too shabby for a place like this, especially with a good helping of cream.

After lunch I follow Horseshoe Valley Road, aka Simcoe County Road 22 in an easterly direction until 5th Line N, which I follow south. The sign says ‘Rough Road’ and they are not kidding, this is the type of road the KLR was designed for, gravel, very loose and plenty of soft sand, steep up and down hills. Enough to get the feeling of adventure touring, without really adventure touring, it’s nice. I see there are lots of trails around here where OTRF (Ontario Trail Riders Federation) members are allowed to ride – I haven’t renewed my membership for this year, mainly because I found that I didn’t really ride the trails very much. I like to ride the gravel roads, but the hard core trail riding is just not for me, perhaps had I started doing trail riding when I was much younger the bug might have bitten, right now I find it a little too energetic for my taste. I probably ride 95% on pavement, I need to figure out more routes that include more gravel, at least so that I can justify the semi knobblies I have on the bike.



5th Line N

This area is nicely forested with a mix of evergreen and deciduous, the deciduous trees have not yet got their spring leaves so the forest maintains a bare sort of beauty. I’ve said before that spring is the ugliest season in Southern Ontario, at least until the leaves appear and the ferns and flowers erupt from the earth. However, I have to admit when you are inside a forest different standard prevails – it remains lovely through all seasons, just the nature of the lovely is different. Slightly to the north of here is the Copeland Forest, though I have seen it from Highway 400, I haven’t yet been there.  I believe that it is really gorgeous, a small piece of the deep woods that remains from the great forest that blanketed the entire eastern side of this continent. It’s a popular place for walking trails, bird watching, horse trails and riding mountain bikes, I don’t believe you can ride a motor cycle there, but that’s ok with me, we need tranquil places that anyone can go to and commune a bit with nature is peace and quiet. The forest I’m riding through seems to be partly Simcoe County forest and privately owned land. I notice that there are Skidoo trails here… mmm maybe I should consider that for a winter thing to do.


All too soon the gravel road ends at the intersection of 5th line and Bass Lake Side Road, it’s paved from there on to where it meets up with Lake Simcoe. I turn left, there are a few nice little twisties on this road before it ends in a T-Junction and I make my way south to Old Barrie Road and through the small city of Orillia. Orillia is the second largest city on the shores of Lake Simcoe, not a very large city I will grant you, but a city nonetheless with a population over 30,000 and growing. I always fancied that it must have been named after some or other hot Iberian babe, but apparently ‘orillia’ just means ‘lakeshore’. Which is not a bad name for a city that borders on two lakes, Simcoe and Couchiching. There is evidence that this area has been settled by humans for at least 4,000 years, with the setting of fish traps in the narrows between these two lakes as the main attraction for settlements here. In fact, it is this narrows that the name Toronto comes from, which was the original name for Lake Simcoe, so perhaps Orillia has the real rights to this name. Of course the Indians that last held sway over this point on these waterways are no longer here, they, or their descendants are instead running a casino a few kilometers to the north on the east shores of Lake Couchiching - Casino Rama where some idiots regularly pour a decent proportion of the bi-monthly income into slot machines.

As I cross over the narrows and join up with the Trans-Canadian Highway I see that both lakes are well and truly thawed, ice fishing is done, normal fishing and boating activities are well underway. Oh yes, I like it. I may well be a man for all seasons, but bring on summer!  

It’s getting late so I stick to the main routes and I’m home in an hour and a half, in time walk the dogs and enjoy a sundowner on the deck, albeit with a thick sweater on.


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Sunday, 10 April 2016

Deep South

It’s Wednesday and Mike is attending to his course with Gulf Stream and I’m going to find out what this baby really can do. Actually that’s just a joke, I don’t think I have quite got the cojones to take this Harley to the limit. Yesterday before I met up with Mike I did a stretch on the I95 and rode at 90 mph, about 144 km/h, I could feel that there were still plenty of horses available in the store. Taking my KLR 650 up to the max is a little scary as well, not because it’s so fast, but because at 140 km/h, which is about the most one can expect to get from it, it no longer feels terribly stable, the bike is just not heavy enough. The Harley Davidson Softail Heritage is plenty heavy enough so stability isn’t an issue, it’s just that it vibrates like crazy. This seems to be a Harley thing; I have experienced this with Helena’s 883 Sportster, but thought that it was something that just the Sportster did at anything over 110 km/h, but even the Softail gets the shakes at about the same speed. I mean really it shakes, like enough to loosen the ancient amalgam in my back teeth. Even the single cylinder KLR is a smoother ride, I’m no mechanic, but I suspect this is because the engine is air cooled, which is less effective than liquid, hence the design allows for a little more play in the moving parts than is the case for a liquid cooled machine.



The big Harley parked  outside my the hotel

The gal at the Harley dealership – hardly a gal I suppose, she is at least my age and then a few – that did the rental for me gave me a few routes that I could try. Just some Google maps printed out, very simple, probably took someone an hour or so to do, but hey, what a fabulous thing to do. I’m not from around here and they know the good routes to ride, it’s great that they thought to do it. That is something that one just has to hand to Harley Davidson, if I ever bought a Harley it would be less to do with the bike and more to do with the service. Helena, and even I, always get treated like long lost buddies or family when we go to Barrie Harley Davidson, the dealership where she bought her bike. Sure they do it to sell bikes, but it’s still nice.

I chose the ‘Millen Loop’ route that will take me inland, I’m keen to see the Deep South, warts, guys in bedsheets and all. Whereas there may well be many rednecks that are backward, bigoted and inbred, my travels in the southern states so far have not revealed a great many of this type of person. On the contrary, the friendliest and nicest Americans, both black and white that I have come across have been encountered in the southern states. This may well be because I have so far mostly only visited the more sophisticated spots, seaside Florida, Hilton Head, Charleston and Savannah hardly qualify as the deep south. Anyway, from my hotel in mid-town Savannah I head south on Abercorn Street, which seems to be the road that divides Savannah into east and west sides. Abercorn Street is also Highway 204, which swings west as you reach the outskirts of Savannah. Loads of construction on the road and my progress is a little delayed, I tap into the power of the big Harley and do some skillful maneuvering to get past the obstruction much faster than my four wheeled fellow travelers, it is the advantage of this mode of transport, I feel their chagrin as I sail past and into the sunlit uplands of the open road.  Under the I95 and past the Harley dealership, zoom do I. There is a smile on my face; it’s March break, I’m free, it’s warm and I’m riding a great motorcycle on a road I’ve not ridden before – what more can a chap reasonably ask for?     

After going under the I95 the road changes name to Fort Argyle Road, but keeps the Highway 204 identity there are some nice gentle twistiness through some pine plantations and natural forests. It’s pleasant, but no real match for the more beautiful forests of the north where I hale from. One can just imagine what this continent must have looked like a mere 500 years ago, before Homo European Destructus had completely tamed and exploited it. It’s not that I believe in the well debunked ideal of the virtues of the noble savage - it is reasonably well proved that the arrival of the ancestors of today’s First Nations in the New World spelt extinction for the mega fauna of two continents – however the ignoble savage certainly was lighter on the ecology than western civilization. What I am talking about is a lost world that we only get to glimpse from the remnants and so imagine the great forests and endless grass plains that once was this continent.  Sadly, most human beings don’t even think about what we have lost, we are too busy working to feed our consumerism or concerning ourselves with the doings and screwings of the rich and famous and other trivial shit.

As I travel further from Savannah I notice that the level of apparent prosperity declines, not marginally, but rather sharply. It doesn’t take many miles to be right in the boonies and the quality of the housing drops like a stone. I have remarked on this disparity in the USA before, but it still surprises me that the biggest economy and most powerful country on earth has such a level of wealth inequality. Mike said to me that he thinks that Americans value personal independence above anything else, hence socialistic ideals of social equality, redistribution of wealth, universal health care and so on have never really caught on. Personally I think the poor have bought into the myth of the American dream and have swapped an acceptable standard of living for a one in a hundred thousand chance of becoming a George Clooney.  The middle class is no less delusional, but this problem is more universal, we have sold our souls and waking hours to the capitalists for the dubious privilege of buying and owning what is mostly unnecessary rubbish. Oh, how I would love to be free, to spend my days riding a motorcycle and my evenings writing about it, but sadly that is not my life and these moments are rare and snatched, my soul, like everyone else’s, is forfeit.

There is another phenomenon that I notice. No matter how grubby and poor the housing in the small settlements I encounter along the way, there is no shortage of churches. Honestly, I have never seen so many churches for so few houses before. I’ve discovered that there are more varieties of Baptists than even Heinz could cope with. Also the churches are always way nicer looking than the homes, I pass one sign outside a church for some or other flavor of Baptist, ‘Pastor appreciation week – give generously’. I wonder whose bright idea that was? It seems to my cynical mind that the only business that’s doing well out here is the God business. Maybe it makes sense, if you are poor and living in squalid circumstances, you have limited education and opportunities out in the boonies are almost non-existent, then the promise that God will see to it that you have an eternity of good things in the next life must be very appealing. Of course this is one of the means by which the haves have kept the have-nots in their place for millennia. Oh well perhaps it’s more pleasant to live with hope, that may be delusional, than no hope at all.

I take a right where Highway 204 ends with a T-junction with US Highway 208, which feels like I’m going the wrong way, but I have confidence in the map I’m following, and indeed it is just a short while before I’m heading North West again on Eldora Road. A nice quiet, but sadly straight as a die, road. I pass some scraggly looking cotton fields; I am guessing they look scraggly because it is the time of year, probably early spring is not the best time to look at a cotton field. One cannot but think about the history of this industry in this part of the world, and shake your head in wonder. The American Civil War officially ended in 1865, so that would be a good date to use as the definitive end of official slavery in the USA. This is 151 years ago; it is about two life times past – which means that there are still people alive today whose grandparents were born into slavery. I know that perceptions of morality have a lot to do with the prevailing zeitgeist, but I believe that for one human being to own another is the most immoral thing in relative and absolute terms. It is difficult to get one’s head around the fact that this practice was only finally abandoned by this nation, whose foundational values was supposedly liberation of the individual, a mere 151 years ago. It is also interesting to note what the the ancient texts, that so many people believe provide our moral compass, have to say on the subject – the Koran positively endorses and encourages slavery, and the Bible, both Old and New Testaments makes no negative moral judgement on the issue, God clearly has no issue with the practice.

As I turn off Eldora road to Old River Road I’m starting to get quite hungry. I deliberately didn’t eat breakfast in my hotel room, it has a bar fridge where I have some ham, cheese and hard boiled eggs, because I fancied to find a little rustic diner somewhere and have fried eggs, bacon and maybe try some grits for bnreakfast. I have in my mind the scene from the movie ‘My Cousin Vinny’ where Joe Pesci and Marisa Tomei have breakfast and taste grits for the first time. To this point I have not passed any place that is remotely what I have in mind since leaving the city limits of Savannah. Grits, by the way, for the benefit of my ‘mieliepap’ eating readers in Africa, is just roughly ground white corn (maize) made into a porridge, it’s ok, but Africans have more and tastier ways of cooking this staple.  Old River Road is a pleasant road to ride, the blacktop is in pretty decent shape, as is the case with most roads in the USA, there is not much traffic and the scenery is a nice mix of farmland and forest, albeit absent of diners and infested with churches. I believe the ‘River’ in ‘Old River Road’ is a reference to the Ogeechee River which it runs parallel to, but not close enough to ever actually get a glimpse of it. I’ve crossed this river a few times earlier in the day and yesterday on my way down to Brunswick, it meanders across the coastal plains to eventually meet the ocean about twenty odd miles south of Savannah. Ogeechee must have an American Indian origin, some cursory research doesn’t reveal exactly what, but it does have a really great sound when you pronounce it… try it.


Ogeechee River



It’s getting on to noon and the emptiness in my stomach is now making itself felt and still I haven’t spotted a rustic diner, or anywhere else that promises a decent meal – I decide to take a detour from the mapped out route and turn left down Highway 24, a slightly more substantial road in the hope of finding something. I’m also running a little low on gas, not dangerously so yet, however I have noticed that the v-twin 103 cubic inch (about 1700 cc) machine is a lot greedier on gas than my KLR’s 650 cc single and when you reach a certain point on the gauge the remaining gas seems to drop at an alarming rate. It turns out that my instinct is spot on and at the intersection of Clito Road there is a gas station and a Zip-n-Foods, not exactly the rustic diner, but I have dropped my standards due to hunger pangs.  Zip-n-Foods is more like a convenience store with a few Formica covered tables. The breakfast menu is no longer available, but they have hot trays of battered fried pork chops, Southern fried chicken pieces and stir fried rice. I opt for three large pieces of Southern fried chicken, two huge breasts and a generous thigh, served to me in a Styrofoam container with plastic knife and fork, which I do not bother with. Mm, mm, mm, the Colonel should retire, I have never tasted fried chicken quite as delicious as this. Seriously, the batter is just perfect in the balance between crisp and oily, with a nice little explosion of spiced oil as you bite into it, then the meat is tender, moist, tasty and cooked just enough. I wash it down with a bottle of Diet Coke and it feels like I have eaten at the Ritz. The funny thing is the place is run by Indians, not the North American kind, the Asian variety, and like all people that I have encountered in the Southern states they are friendly and helpful, and clearly have figured out fried chicken. I have just one complaint, the gas station only has 87 octane which is not really suitable for the motorcycle, my hosts advise that I’ll find a gas station back on the Old River Road not too far that sells premium grade gas.


Zip-n-Foods - home of great fried chicken

And so it turns out, stomach full and gas tank full I proceed on Old River Road which eventually becomes Old Savannah Road, then north on US 25 to the small town of Millen, hence the name that Harley Davidson gave to the route. From Millen it’s Highway 17 to the town of Wadley. Wadley is the most north-westerly point of the route. The route is basically a right angled triangle and Wadley is the endpoint of the hypotenuse. As we all learned in grade 5 math, although the squares of the other two sides together are equal to the square of the hypotenuse, the sum of actual lengths of the other two sides is greater than the hypotenuse, hence at Wadley I am less than half way, even though it’s already 2 in the afternoon. I have arrangements to meet Mike at 4.30. I text and arrange a later time. We are planning an early dinner in Savannah – sushi.  I actually don’t expect to be too late, from Wadley it’s motorway and main roads home. US 1 directly south is a dual carriageway motorway and the traffic speed is well over 80 mph which the Harley does with ease, albeit at the expense of jellied eyes and loosened dental amalgam. At the town of Lyons, I take US 280 east which eventually merges with Highway 204 which is, as mentioned earlier, none other than Abercorn Street, which is pretty much where my hotel is. I’m home in time for a shower and change before Mike fetches me for dinner.

As I put the finishing touches to this post, it is several weeks later. I am back in Canada, and sadly back in winter. It has been a very grey Sunday and I’m looking out of the window to the back garden that is covered in a light dusting of snow. I really miss the sunny and warm Georgian spring that I was able to experience for a short time. Frankly I miss Georgia and South Carolina.  Mike and I visited, by car, Hilton Head, Charleston and Tybee Island. What a fabulous part of the world, I will definitely like to ride down to the area on my bike sometime, I suspect that autumn is the time to do it, summer may well be too hot.

I managed one short ride since getting back, but then the polar vortex paid us a visit. For now, it looks like the riding season is delayed for a few weeks, it seems that Wiarton Willie, the Ontario groundhog, got it wrong.  

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Hilton Head - South Carolina 


Charleston - South Carolina  



Tybee Island - Georgia