Dynamite Alley

So I have ridden some of these roads before, some of them a few times, yet I expect that will do nothing to diminish the fun factor. The Ontario Highlands are not soaring mountains, they are but ragged hills, still they are beautiful and home to some of the finest roads to ride a motorcycle on. Today the southern end of Highway 507 is the starting point of a loop I plan to ride, just over 510 kilometers, which, with the distance from home and back, going via Beaverton, Fenelon Falls and Bobcaygeon, should bring the full trip to a tidy 800 kilometers, or the magical 500 miles, a real Iron butt ride.

I have a subscription to the magazine Inside Motorcycles, ‘Canada’s Source for Motorcycling News’, the May edition came with a map, a nice big folded map called ‘Ride The Highlands’. Now anyone that has finally mastered the art of map folding, not as skillful as origami I will grant you, will confirm just how fascinating maps are. The map is of the Ontario Highlands with a bunch of routes worked out. The idea is that the Ontario Highlands have ‘handmade’ roads, roads cut from the forests of the Canadian Shield by human labor in the mid nineteenth to early twentieth centuries. They did not have the equipment that modern road builders have, as a result these roads tend to go around obstacles instead of through them, hence the fabulous twisties and why it is so awesome to ride a bike in this area. Which is not to say that they did no cutting at all, the route I have chosen to ride today is called Dynamite Alley, it is called that because there are enough examples of where the road builders simply could not go around all the obstacles and employed judicious amounts of dynamite to cut through the hillsides. The result are roads that have grand sweeping, truly sexy curves that are exactly what I’m after. Unhappily I have only one day available this weekend to ride, really need to organize my life better, so although the ride is billed as a two-day ride, I plan on doing it in one. http://ridethehighlands.ca/en/index

It’s Saturday on the Canada Day weekend, its already 10.45 and I’m just at the starting point of the loop, so I am feeling a little bit of pressure if indeed I’m going to make it all the way. 

It's Canada Day Weekend, Eh

I left home at about 8 a.m., not entirely at the proverbial fart-o-sparrow, but in my defense it was cold. Yes, in mid-summer it was cold, so I waited for it to warm up a wee bit, call me a ninny if you will, but I don’t enjoy being cold. I was attired in jeans, boots and mesh jacket when I pulled away, but stopped barely 5 kilometers from home and donned the full Frogg Toggs outfit, rain gear, as noted many times in this blog, keeps the wind out and the rider nice and toasty. I am stopped at a small gas station that is insanely busy with people filling containers with gasoline for motorboats, also a lot of motorcycle. They have a funny system here, I guess it is called the honor system, you pump your gas, take a note of the charge, then go inside and tell the cashier how much and pay. There are not many places in the world where something like this would work, there is something to be said for that. On a less happy note, after filling up gas I take a pee in the most disgustingly filthy washroom I have yet encountered in Canada.

Highway 507 is a 38 kilometer stretch of one of the best roads to ride on that I know, I remember the first time I rode down Highway 507 from Gooderham, it was so much fun that I promptly turned around and rode back up again. I am of course not alone in this conviction, while I was stopped at the gas station I saw at least 40 bikes set off on Highway 507. It may be a little cold and windy, but the biking fraternity are indeed out an about today. I ride at a fair clip, carving my way through the curves at a little over the speed limit and well over the recommended speed for the corners, nonetheless I get overtaken by a group of about six sport bikes, big fast BMWs, that make me look like I’m stopped at the side of the road. It looks like awfully good fun, but I really don’t have the balls for that sort of riding. Perhaps had I learnt to ride in my reckless youth it would be different. The more I ride the KLR the happier I become with it, it fits the type of riding I want to do. It’s not the greatest bike on the pavement nor is it off-road, but it’s a decent compromise. I have discovered that to enjoy my ride I don’t actually need all that much power, all that much speed and I definitely don’t want all that weight. It’s also cheap and cheerful, as am I, so we get along just fine.

Views from Highway 507

From Gooderham the route carries on north on Highway 3 or Glamorgan road, marginally less twisty and as scenic as the 507, it’s 17 kilometers span is over far too quickly, but now I’m onto highway 118 going north-west and through Haliburton. This is one of my favorite towns in East Muskoka and home to the Baked and Battered Cottage Bakery and Fish Fry. It’s on Highland Street overlooking Head Lake, they do this thing call coconut shrimp, oh my. They use a large peeled shrimp, still with the tail, flayed open so that it is shaped like an oval disk, battered then coated in shredded coconut and deep fired. A few weeks back I stopped there for lunch and had battered haddock with four of these instead of chips – I’m still doing the low carb/Banting way of eating, though I guess there are carbs in the batter. Anyway, it was bordering on an orgasmic experience - sitting on the verandah, taking in the view and enjoying the meal.http://bakedandbattered.com . Though I am hungry by now I decide that it is too soon since the last stop to have a rest break, Dorset is about an hour away via the suggested route, which is on Highway 118 to Carnarvon then North on Highway 35, but first a little loop up to Eagle Lake on Haliburton Road, and back to the 118 on Eagle Lake Road. 

If you are ever in that area at a mealtime (or even if not at an official mealtime) stop by there

I like riding Highway 118 and 35. These are the main roads around here so they are wider, less twisty, and I suspect not handmade, but nonetheless have wonderful sweeping curves.  The blacktop is in great condition and traffic is relatively light so I manage to get up to a fairly exhilarating speed - well relative to the KLR - carving my way through absolutely stunning scenery of lakes, craggy hills and verdant forest. This may not be the Rocky Mountains, and I do tease a little that this hills are called ‘the Highlands’, but that does not detract from the fact that this is a truly gorgeous area. I’ve said it before and I’ll no doubt say it again; I am privileged to live in such a beautiful part of the world. I turn off Highway 35 to go into Dorset, a lovely little village, in search of a ‘spot of lunch’, as an Englishman might say. Alas that is not to be, there is something on in the town and it is heaving with people. I have serious doubts that I’d find a table anywhere, damn should have lunched in Haliburton, I am by now very hungry, but I have a pathological hatred for crowds, to be honest I am not all that keen on the company of my fellow man other than in moderate doses, crowds really scare the shit out of me.

I flee and head back to Highway 35 – maybe I’ll have more luck in Dwight, which as it turns out is exactly what happens. Shortly before the turnoff onto Highway 60 I stumble on the Bush Company Bar and Grill. Another of those great country restaurants I keep on discovering on my travels. I seem to be at the risk of turning this blog into a guide to eating your way around, still I’ll mention that the Southern fried chicken sandwich (I didn’t eat the bread) and baked brie and caramelized onion dip was way more than merely decent. http://www.thebushcompany.com. They had tables to spare and the service was excellent.

There is one thing I have realized about low carb eating – it is nearly impossible to find a quick meal anywhere that does not include bread. I ate on the patio which was inside a garden, fortunately far from the maddening crowd.

Highway 60 took me through Algonquin Park. A nice enough ride, scenic, but not really anything to write home about from a biking point of view. You do stand a chance of encountering a moose or deer or even a black bear, any of which could do some serious damage to a motorcycle and/or rider and visa-versa I presume, but that doesn’t stop me riding at a bit above the speed limit of 80 km/h. I am certainly not alone in doing this, the traffic speed is at least 100 km/h, this is one of the main drags to Ottawa, the fact that it goes right through a provincial park does not detract in any way from its primary purpose of conveying cars quickly and efficiently. It doesn’t take me long to get to the east gate, a mere 60 kilometers from the west gate. By now my lunch has started to settle nicely and I’m feeling decidedly sleepy. This may come as a surprise, but it is entirely possible to fall asleep while riding a motorbike, even doing a decent speed. This is not something I want to do as I’m sure taking a nap at 85 km/h can be fatal or at the very least painful and inconvenient, so I stop at the Opeongo Outfitting Store, there is a sign that they sell coffee.

Now if you need to be outfitted for camping, canoeing, hiking, fishing and so on, then this is the place to come to. I think this is weird, if I were coming to Algonquin to do any of these things I would have all this shit sorted out long before reaching the very edge of the park. It’s a bit like those luggage shops you see in airports; WTF do people arrive at the airport destined for exotic places and they have their stuff in shopping bags pending the purchase of a suitcase? I assume these places must actually sell things because they are still in business. Anyway here at Opeongo Outfitting Store, 3 Generations of Experienced Outfitters Since 1936 you may also acquire T-shirts, baseball caps, key rings, moccasins, RCMP teddy bears, wee bottles of maple syrup and other typical Canadian crap that gets sold to tourists. They do sell coffee which is almost undrinkable, but I force it down anyway. I also buy a few cans of sugar free Red Bull and after downing two of these I think I’m armored against the midafternoon drowsies, not to mention that the pending pressure on the bladder will almost certainly keep me awake.

I notice that the sky above me has assumed an ominous dark aspect, it has been switching between clear and threatening rain for most of the ride so far, but this looks a little more serious. To the south things look better so I decide to moderate the route a little and take Highway 127 south instead of carrying on to Madawaska and the 523 south. Almost immediately I regret the decision, Highway 523 was one of the attractions of the route, not that the 127 is bad, but it’s definitely not a hand-cut road and almost bereft of twisties. Heading south does actually get me away from the storm clouds and it’s not long before I’m riding through the proverbial sunlight uplands on a road that is almost innocent of traffic. The blacktop is in excellent condition so I must confess to taking the old KLR up to a speed it was not really designed to do. The Suzuki Boulevard C90T, that I used to ride, could get to 140 without breaking into a sweat, but I assure you that it’s a heap more fun on the KLR maxed out at that speed, not to mention scary as all hell. At Maynooth I leave the main roads and turn west onto Peterson Road, which on paper looks like one heck of a road to ride – and so it turns out to be.

Peterson road, and eventually Elephant Lake road, as it morphs into, is definitely one of those hand-made roads. This is very hilly country and I am treated to many stunning views as I crest hills and get a brief glimpse of forest canopy and a multitude of lakes. There is not much traffic and I only see one motorcycle coming from the opposite direction, I find this a little odd as it is a fabulous road to ride, but I guess this is a little off the beaten path. Eventually, by way of a few other gorgeous little winding roads, I reach Highway 118, my old favorite and go east for a few miles until I meet up with Highway 28, south bound.

Elephant Lake Road

Elephant Lake 

I am now tired, sore-of-ass and heading home. Highway 28 takes me parallel to highway 507, just on the east side of the Kawatha Highlands Provincial Park, where I started the loop this morning. It’s nice enough, but no match for the 507 in terms of a great motorbike road. Burleigh Falls to Buckhorn and soon I pass the gas station with the honor system and disgusting washrooms, the loop is done and I’m going home. Twelve hours and three minutes after setting out this morning, I pull the KLR into the garage and ease ass from the saddle. I have covered 765 Kilometers, 35 short of the planned Ironbut. I am slightly disappointed in myself, but then this isn’t a challenge, I do this for fun and entirely for myself.